Mero topi.

Something about playing softball brings out the kid in me, and I do mean KID. I was at my parents' house a few weeks ago and found an old softball cap. I was probably 8 years old the last time this thing saw the light of day. No idea what team it was for, but it makes me smile so it has become a staple at all my Raleigh Rec League games. It is just hideous enough that folks know I'm kidding (or am I?). Just thought I would share. . .

There is no photo able of capturing the true enormity of the brim. I'm not complaining, though. It works like a champ!!
"PR" - yeeaahhhhh, still accepting suggestions for what that stands for. . .

And the full package. . .you simply cannot look at this with a straight face, much less take me seriously as a ball playa (which if you knew anything, you would know you should. . .)

Tera miles bakki chha

One of my life goals is to run a marathon. Got the idea when I was running cross-country back in high school, and somehow it has stuck with me. Earlier this year I had a revelation: I’m not getting any younger so I may as well go ahead and tackle this goal. Plus, I am blessed with flexible schedule right now that gives me the time I need to train well. So, in January I printed off a half-marathon training schedule and started plugging away. I didn’t tell anyone about it for a long time. . .mostly out of fear that I wouldn’t actually be able to complete the race, and thought it would be much better if nobody even knew I had attempted. However, as a few months went by and I saw myself getting stronger and realized I really did have the discipline to stick with it, I began to tell my friends about it. Well, yesterday was the big day. . .

I woke up at 6:00. Felt a little nervous because I am anything but a morning runner. Plus, I am not overly familiar with downtown Raleigh and wasn’t excited to forge those waters alone on this particular morning. Said a prayer and walked out the front door with my head held high. Found registration without any trouble. Upon entering the hotel where we received our chips, I went up the escalator and immediately became intimately acquainted with about 376 of my fellow runners. Some genius decided to put the line right at the top of the escalator so a thousand people were filing up the continually moving escalator to the stagnant line. . .it was not pretty and much foul language ensued. After that I was happy to get back outside and breathe some fresh air. I was wandering around trying to figure out where the starting point was when all of a sudden I heard, “The half marathon begins now!” and this swarm of people began to move. So, I assumed I was in the right spot and started running. Here are the wanderings of my mind over the following 2 hours and 12 minutes. . .

Mile 1: So this is what a big race feels likes. There are so many people everywhere. Now I remember why I enjoy running alone so much.
Mile 2: Is it bad that the 5kers who started after us are already passing us???
Mile 3: I am pretty much ¼ finished, and feeling good. The weather is cool and cloudy. This half marathon stuff is gonna be a piece of cake!
Mile 4: I’ve always wanted to drive slow through old Raleigh so I can look at the beautiful houses. I’m in luck because today I’ve got plenty of time!!
Mile 5: You know, usually, I love Waffle House, but on this particular morning that smell makes me want to gag. . .run faster Susan Ada.
Mile 6: I am feeling great at this point. My body feels like it has kicked into auto-pilot so now my mind is free to wander even more. There is this long line of kids at the half-way point. Boys on the left giving high fives, girls on the right with their pom-poms. How cute is that???
Mile 7: I’ve been running for a while now and quite honestly many people have passed me, so I’ve started paying attention to their shirts. I notice that a lot of people are running for a cause. . .Free Tibet, MS, Race for a Cure, a school program, etc. I decide that I need a cause, so I thought about it for a while. Sad to say the most pertinent one I could think of was getting my behiney across that finish line. Hey, whatever works, right?
Mile 8: I got this little tiny swish cup full of powdery Gatorade. Yum!!!
Mile 9: (You may or may not know this, but for various reasons my longest run in training was 9 miles. . .) I was a little nervous when I hit mile 9 because everything from this point on would be uncharted territory. Then I reached the furthest point away from the finish line and turned around to run straight back to the finish line. This meant I was now running against other folks which made me feel good that I wasn’t in the very back. Never you mind they were either walking or looked like they were about to vomit. . .I was still ahead of somebody!!
Mile 10: I am getting tired. My feet hurt and I am ready for this to be finished. But I have this realization that #1) I am a good 3 miles from the finish line so if I stop and walk I still have to go 3 miles so I may as well run and get it over with faster and #2) If I stop now I will defeat the last 3 months of training wherein I was so disciplined and took great efforts to fit in all my workouts. I decide to stick it out. Plus, by the time I finish thinking all these things I’ve somehow run another mile. Funny how that happens. . . (Oh, and there was also a big, ugly, very dead possum in the road at this point. I could go the rest of my life without seeing another one of those up close again. . .yuck!!)
Mile 11: Ok, I just thought mile 10 hurt. . .mile 11 burns. No doubt about it. Why the heck am I doing this?? At this point I remember an old cheesy quote from A League of Their Own that has motivated me often, “It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.” It worked for me once again. Oh, and at this point I started talking to Jesus. . .a lot.
Mile 12: A friend of mine told me that mile 12 would be glorious. . .he was absolutely dead on right. It’s at this point that I realize I’m actually going to make it. Today, Susan Ada is going to run 13.1 miles. Yay for her!!! Run, little legs, run!! I also remember my friends are going to be at the finish line and get really excited to see them (Max and Telma – you are the best!).
Mile 13: The home stretch. . .as I am weaving through a few blocks downtown, I suddenly remember my ultimate goal and realize that I would only be half-way finished right now. Oh dear. It’s gonna take a lot more work. . .but I’ll think about that later. Right now I just finished my first half marathon!!!!

And that was that. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done, but I can honestly say I enjoyed myself. I love the discipline of it. I also love that there was a definite accomplishment. In school I am working on so many long-term assignments that it’s hard to ever feel like you complete anything. . .but this was a specific goal that I was able to work towards and achieve, and that is really encouraging. Came home and soaked in the tub for a very long time. Listened to my new Once soundtrack – amazing! (Meg, my favorite blogstalker, you will LOVE this. . .I’ve been meaning to tell you about it. Maybe we can lay on your floor and listen to it this summer.) Then watched Kansas beat Chapel Hill – yahoo!!

I think this race taught me about life, too. Distance running really is a reflection of our lives as Christ-followers. How all the little trainings along the way prepared me for the ultimate race. How the hardest part, the times I wanted to quit, were really the most crucial to my success. How I was not expected to draw on my own strength in those times. How the finishing is way more important than the beginning. How we all run at different paces and in different styles. How there is sustenance when our physical bodies are failing. How there are people strategically placed to encourage us when we need it most. . .and that that encouragement can come from complete strangers and still be effective because it is ultimately from Jesus. How it goes so much quicker than we realize.

Ok, no more rambling about my race. Thanks to everyone who supported me. You are the best!!

Ek barsa bhayou. . .

One year ago today I found myself on a plane flying to Charlotte, North Carolina. I was moving back to America. So many thoughts struggled in my mind, each competing for my full attention. Reading my journal from that day, I am reminded of my state of mind. “Flying to Charlotte I was so darn nervous. Seeing my family, being back in America, wanting to be in Nepal, so many uncertainties. . .no idea how many times I prayed, ‘but God I’m so scared.’ Walking through the airport in Charlotte I was overwhelmed with all the English conversations I could understand. Went downstairs and saw my parents. So surreal. . .”

I guess I thought when I boarded the plane in Kathmandu for the last time that my journey was over. Little did I know!! This year has been a journey all of its own. I have learned, observed, failed, adapted, rejoiced, and persevered through countless situations. It’s hard being a foreigner in your own land. Being away for two years gave me the opportunity to see my former life and land in the most objective light I’ve ever been able to experience. I am so thankful for that!! There have been many times when it has been like watching a movie of myself. I assure you, I haven’t liked everything I’ve seen. . .but by being exposed to those things I am able to redeem them and bring them out of darkness and into the Light. I'm also thankful to have a new perspective on what was once just my familiar, everyday existence. I believe it helps me better relate to others who don't share my same life experiences.

When I returned to America, I went through many months when I didn’t commune with Jesus. I didn’t know what to say to Him or how to study His Word, and I certainly didn’t feel like I connected with His church. I’m still not exactly sure where this came from (of course I have my speculations. . .), but I finally sought counsel and am making baby steps in the right direction. MUCH to my surprise, this too has been a gift of the most beautiful kind. It’s as if I am re-entering this realm of Christianity as a new believer. Growing up in the Southern Baptist church, I was familiar with the stories and church culture. . .it's almost like I was robbed of the newness of choosing to follow Jesus. But He has chosen to give me that gift of newness now!! My counselor and I decided I should start reading through John, and she gave me the goal of reading ten chapters in three weeks. That first night I sat down to read my chapter and got stuck. . .in verse 1. I sat there and meditated until those Words had seeped to my very core. It was a drop of Life to a parched soul. Never had those Words spoken to me as they did that evening. Perhaps I had never sat still long enough to hear Jesus speak what He wanted to say instead of hearing what I wanted Scripture to say. Night after night this continued. I did return to my meeting in three weeks. . .having just finished John 1. I am continuing to experience Jesus in new ways and challenge myself to enter a deeper relationship with Him. I believe my time overseas opened my eyes to a purity of faith that I hadn’t yet seen. A blind trust and reckless abandon. A physical need. A joy that brings true freedom and peace. Now, to learn how to build that kind of faith in my comfortable America. . .

In Through Painted Deserts, Donald Miller offers his insight on journeys and the questions that follow. “It’s interesting how you sometimes have to leave home before you can ask difficult questions, how the questions never come up in the room you grew up in, in the town in which you were born. It’s funny how you can’t ask the difficult questions in a familiar place, how you have to stand back a few feet and see things in a new way before you realize that nothing that is happening to you is normal.” And so, I am thankful for my journey and the questions it raised in me. I am even more thankful that they continue today. I hope that I am still asking them when I look back to reflect on the next year of my life.

Of course there are hundreds of things I could say about my first year back in America, but for some reason these are the words that came out as I sat down to reflect tonight. I’m so thankful for the lessons I have learned and continue to learn. I’m also thankful for those around me who have been so patient as I filter through these events, ponderings, and questions I call my life. I’m thankful to be sitting still for while, reflecting on the journey behind and enjoying the steps of today.

Andrew Peterson's new book!!

On a brisk autumn evening during my senior year in high school I stumbled upon something spectacular. I don't think I realized the full magnitude of my discovery at that time, but I sure had a strong hunch. This wonder I speak of is Andrew Peterson's ability to craft a captivating story. We all love stories, don't we?? Even if you abhor the labor of reading, you still love to listen to lyrics and watch another world unfold on film. As children we begged our parents to tell us just one more story before bedtime. What is it that is so alluring about a good story? I love that they transport you to another place and enable you partake in adventures you might otherwise never meet. When I lived overseas, my friend and I read the entire Chronicles of Narnia out loud in lieu of purchasing a tv. We could be sitting in a jeep stand on the side of a mountain, a smelly train station in the desert, or curled up on the ugliest brown flowered mini-couch known to man (that just happened to reside in our living room). . .but our hearts and minds and imaginations were far, far away. Galloping on horses, fighting battles, or feeling the warmth of the Lion's breath on our faces.

And so, this love of stories has led me to follow Andrew Peterson's efforts vigilantly. I've been hooked on his blog, The Rabbit Room, for a few months now. I love the idea of gathering your friends to explore the corners and chew on the mysteries of the world that holds us for now. In fact, I had just created my own blog when he announced the blog tour of his new book, On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness. I immediately entered my name, and a week later two books arrived at my front door. How's that for service??

Now, for the confession: I didn't have time to finish said book in the allotted time. See, there's this thing called grad school in which you read all sorts of enlightening and scholarly material, but for some crazy reason, On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness didn't make the cut for my textiles curriculum this semester. That said, it is taking every ounce of willpower I have not to denounce all my school assignments and escape to the land of Aerwier and discover the fate of the Igiby children. I'm half-way in, and hooked. It's a wild ride with new predicaments at every corner. It's the story of Janner, Tink, and Leeli Igiby and their pursuit of Life. I cheer when they are triumphant, cringe when a certain Fang sidles up, hold my breath as they face adventure head-on, and empathize with Janner's desire to know what exists beyond the confines of Glipwood. Truly a story for all ages, this book provides page-turning action to hold the wide-eyed attention of youth yet subtly profound in the insight it provides on life and our ultimate search for home and contentment. No worries here about me revealing any surprise ending. . .I have yet to find out for myself. I assure you, however, that my discovery will not be a long time in coming. In fact, my book just happens to be in my hands right now. . .

For the fastest ticket to Aerwier, click on this Website!

Life is hard

Lately, it seems to me that everything in my life is hard. . .grad school classes, writing a thesis, training for a race, money (or lack thereof), investing in new friendships, praying, studying the Word, keeping up with folks who live far away, and the list goes on. So, last night I found myself asking Jesus for one easy thing, something that requires little to no effort on my behalf. . .and today, little snapshots of blessings in my life keep popping up in my mind. Call me crazy, but I wonder if this means my life is supposed to be hard right now. Thankfully, that doesn't mean there isn't good embedded in this path that I'm walking. Therefore, I am taking the time to list some of the good things in my life right now as a testimony to the Lord's grace and extravagant love:

1. The fact that my sister and twin nieces live 4 hours away, but I still get to see them at least once a month

(How do those little faces not make you smile???)

2. Fun running trails, including: around a beautiful lake, a big fancy bridge across the interstate, and one through an outdoor art museum
3. My running fleece
4. Going to the snooty grocery and spending $50. . .but saving $39!!
5. Into the Wild at the $1.50 movies two weekends in a row
6. ACC Basketball - free tickets and great seats!!
7. Lazy Sunday mornings - coffee in bed with a good book. . .
8. New haircuts. . .even if they are overpriced
9. That glimmer of hope deep down in your gut when you apply for an internship that your mind knows is way out of reach, but your heart still dares to dream about
10. Hyacinths blooming in my bathroom

I may have to add more to this list another time, but those are the things that are making me smile today. Just thought I would share.

What woke me up this morning. . .

So, last night I had a few firsts in my life:
1. Attended the movies alone in America (Perhaps Friday night in a college town wasn’t the brightest idea, but I survived nonetheless)
2. I was carded at the movies (Seriously, nobody cared when I was a mere middle-schooler, but they sure wanted to make sure my 26 year-old eyes were protected)
3. I was denied access into a college library (Who decided that the 24/7 library on campus should close at 10:00 on Friday nights???)

I like to think that I recently returned from a journey. . .a great adventure. Two years spent wandering across Asia with no direction and, sometimes, no purpose. However, it was a time of richness. Of deep fulfillment. A friend of mine who shared a similar journey recommended a movie to me. His perspective has often captured my own thoughts all too well, so I was very curious to see what was so great about this film. I asked some friends to join me, but none were interested, so my current journey sent me straight into that movie theatre alone on a Friday night. Ke garne? The movie: Into the Wild. Best film I’ve ever seen. Period. Here’s why.

There are a certain number of us kids who grow up in similar circumstances. . .middle-class American family. White picket fence, dog, 2 ½ kids, new car in the driveway, mom with her perfect hair-do and dad in his cardigan reading his paper by the fire after a long, hard day at work. . .or, that’s what we delusioned middle-classers would like the rest of the world to think. In reality, the family is broken. Our parents are disappointed with the paths their lives have taken them so they push their kids to work hard and excel in school in hopes of avoiding their same catastrophe. However, by urging us to do these things (go to college, get married, choose a career, settle down and have kids) they set us on the fast track to achieving the exact life that has made them so miserable. And that is why, in my opinion, some of us “snap.” We love and respect our parents so we attended college because that is what was expected of us. However, we walk across that graduation stage and realize that we must discover our own life. Get out our machetes and blaze our own trail. Leave our own mark. Carve our own adventure in this world.

Chris (self-proclaimed, Alexander Supertramp) of Into the Wild, snapped when he walked across his graduation stage. Just as I did. His story is so beautiful and profound. Courageous seems an understatement, but pure fits just right. His journey took him all over America and dropped him in the great wilderness of Alaska. Along the way, I believe God revealed bits of Himself as Alex became ready. He dropped people in Alex’ life to teach him and love him. He allowed Alex to come alive.

I look at his story and marvel. It makes me that much more thankful for my own. When I was overseas, I read one of the best stories ever written, The Chronicles of Narnia. One of my favorite parts is a conversation Aravis had with the Lion at the end of The Horse and His Boy. The Lion has revealed to her that He had harmed her earlier and was explaining why. Aravis was so happy to finally have some answers about her life that she asked for some pertaining to someone else’s. The Lion responded, “Child. . .no one is told any story but their own.” Allow me to be selfish for one moment. My life is my story. It is not a predetermined template dealt to me by those who gave me life. It is my one great adventure with the Lion. He knows my hopes and dreams and daily needs, and He provides for them all. My journey may cross paths with other people’s journeys, but they may never quite understand why I have to do the things I do. The same way most people didn’t understand why Alex ventured off without warning. I assure you, it’s all in pursuit of Life.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with going to college, finding a job, and getting married. Those are all good things. For whatever reason, I just needed to figure a few things out on my own. Heck, maybe I still do.

And so, the adventure continues. . .

Naakalie Jiwan

Loosely translated, “naakalie jiwan” means “beautiful life.” Quite frankly, I just like the way those words sound together. I’ve been encouraged by many to start a blog, but have resisted fiercely. . .until today. I have something to say and no one to say it to, thus revealing to me the beauty of a blog. It enables me to share my story, my life, with those who can’t be near me now.